Dalam hati...

Uih...dalam hati...rase nak bagi penampo je. Ha, geram la ni. Eh eh...

Tempat bersandar

Perasan tak, with a slight change in the font, lagu ini dapat mengingatkan kita kepada Tuhan?


Tanpa sebarang nama Tuhan,
Hanya sifat-Nya,
Cukup untuk mengingatkan kita kepada Tuhan,

Padahal kalau dibuka video klip asal lagu ini, aku tak rasa Neo asalnya menulis puisi ketuhanan.

Indahkan. Listen to it. Sounds so "mukhlis" (sincere).


Kita terlalu menekankan romanticism dalam agama sehingga kita lupa to get back to the basics. Agama yang pada asalnya hanyalah untuk kita mengenal Tuhan (langsung beribadah kepada-Nya) kini sudah menjadi terlalu complicated. Term ini term itu, pening. Kalau tak guna, tak masuk group. Kalau guna, eh pelik pula. Tak pernah-pernah guna sebelum ini. Kawan-kawan lagi mesti akan cakap "tibbah sangat ni!".

Entahlah kawan, apa agama bagimu?

Adakah dengan menyebut "Oh my God" saat mendapat tahu kelas esok dibatalkan atau saat terkejut kawan anda membelikan anda iPhone 5 (huh? Adeke kawan macam ini? Haha. Mungkin) menjadi indikasi bahawa anda bertuhan?

Hm. Apa itu bertuhan, kawan?

Entahlah kawan. Kita kehilangan erti ketuhanan. Tanpa sedar kita beragama tapi tiada bertuhan. Oh, ada juga yang bertuhan namun hidup tanpa agama.
Aku kagum bagaimana para sahabat Rasulullah s.a.w. dahulu, sebelum semua ibadat-ibadat yang kita tahu kini di-established, yang syahid, terus masuk ke syurga. Tak, tak perlu teruk-teruk beribadah, hanya ikhlas kepada Tuhan. Tapi itu dahulu. Kawan itu dahulu. Setelah pena diangkat untuk perkara yang diwajibkan, kita perlu laksanakan. Exception ke Jannah tanpa ibadah yang kaw-kaw hanyalah pada zaman pre-Islam sahaja. Mereka ada ujian mereka, kita ada ujian kita. Tapi point aku, kawan, aku merasa hilangnya keikhlasan dengan perhiasan agama yang terlalu merimaskan.

Alhamdulillah aku termasuk dalam kalangan mereka yang berubah, in shaa allah. Aku tahu bagaimana rasanya, ada mata-mata memandang saat kita lakukan kesilapan di luar norma agama. Aku tahu apa rasanya saat ada masalah memahami perkara-perkara agama yang sulit namun simple di mata mereka. Aku tahu. I've been there and alhamdulillah Allah saved me, still saving me, and I hope he will save me in the future in shaa allah. 

Lalu bagaimana kawan, untuk mereka yang mahu berubah namun disebabkan oleh elemen-elemen agama yang memberatkan, yang dibawa oleh para hipokrit itu, lalu bagaimana untuk berubah? Tiada ruang. Susah. Sempit. Sesak. Lemas, tak bernafas.

Entahlah kawan.

Teruskan saat niat sedang terpacak di hati. Jangan toleh ke belakang, teruskan langkah. Biar mereka kritik, biar. Dengar jika tidak mampu dibisukan. Pekakkan telinga, jika kaki tidak dapat membawa pergi. Teruskan niat, sebab kau ikhlas, kawan.

Siapa sangka, yang mendengar Linkin Park mungkin sedang mengingati Tuhan dengan lebih khusyuk berbanding yang berdiri malam menunaikan qiam. 

Kalau hati ingin mengingati Tuhan, segala perkara kau akan lihat Dia.

Oh, "Cinta Yang Sempurna" by 6ixth Sense ft. Neo Letto juga antara lagu ketuhanan tanpa nama Tuhan. :)
Carian seleksi nasyid Malaysia kebanyakannya mengenai soal jodoh dan pernikahan. Bro, tak semua mahukan romanticism agama sebegitu rupa. Kami hanya mahukan Tuhan. Saya mahukan Tuhan.

Beloved.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,


When my iman is high, I would think of heaven.








What would it be, to live there forever?
Think about it...no death?

I'm so used to separation right now.


We were separated from our milk bottles when we were little,
We were separated from our teddy bears and blankie as we grew older,
We loss our interest in cartoons, anime, and whatnot,
We grew apart from our parents, family and friends as we enter college,
We became another person, we left some parts of ourselves behind to be what we are now.


So, I'm used to it. Becoming used more and more, to separation.


But in heaven...subhanallah. Forever?

 I want you, beloved, to stare at me for 40 years.

For 40 freakin' years.

I want you, beloved, to never leave your eyes away

from staring at me

for 40 years.

Beloved, I want to stare at you

for 40 years

for 40 freakin' years.

Dear beloved,

enter Jannah with me.

Dear beloved, enter Jannah.

And I will follow you.

I will wait you there.

For you to stare at me, for 40 years.

For 40 freakin' years.

A Sunday Service at Rochester

Bismillah,

"Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The Grace of God is glue"

-Unknown

Back in the year 2010, I was torn between applying for a scholarship to pursue my studies abroad, or to stay in Malaysia instead. Not that I was really confident that I can get one - because this particular scholarship, to me, is a challenging one to get -, but you know, the what if's that built in my heart and mind; what if I got this scholarship, where will they send me to? What if I didn't get it, where should I study then?

Alhamdulillah, as if it was fated, I got the scholarship and now here I am, at Buffalo, NY.

There are of course, the pros and cons of studying abroad. It's not always rose petals and creme brulee, some days we also have to endure pointy thorns, some days we also have to swallow sour plums.

Life is like Red Velvet Cheesecake. What a lie. - Photo credit 

I mean seriously, which Malaysian student doesn't miss the warm roti canai and the old bubbly, extra sweet teh tarik for breakfast? Dude, you don't know how we suffer every day, craving for those Malaysian version of manna and salwa.

A very dear INTEC memory, from Rafi with love

For Muslim students, who doesn't miss the adhan, calling out loud from the masjid's speaker, by our bilingual muaddhin. Or who doesn't miss pasar Ramadan, one of the few places where people can really, literally, go crazy for food?

Yes, my friend, being abroad makes us, and me in particular, to be more appreciative of our religion, Islam.

Prophet Muhammad pbuh once mentioned in a hadith, that we should spread good stories that we have, and leave all those sad moments, those very unpleasant to the ears and souls, in our closets. Responding to this call of doing a good deed (because Muslims are rewarded for following the Prophet's actions (sunnah), even as small action as eating with our right hand), I went to a church today.

Wooooo wooo wait. Never have I came across any legal narrated hadith that says the Prophet went to a church. I'm not saying going to a church is a sunnah.

All that I'm saying is that the act of going there, my intention, was because to spread a very very good thing that I posses - Islam.

I was invited by my friend, Sophia Fretter, of whom I met when she couchsurfed at my house back in summer 2013, for a church discussion at the First Universalist Church of Rochester. She was really into this topic - 'How to Communicate with Muslims', and I was one of the people, perhaps, who came to her mind, who can help her facilitate this discussion.

The discussion was a short one, I'd say it was about 25 minutes. We watched a short film "No Apology" by WNYMuslims, and we were literally bombarded by questions from the church members after that. The attendees were mostly lovely 'golden-age' adults,about 8-11 of them, of which I really respect their effort for having this discussion, attending it, and participating in the discussion about a very popular-in-a-negative-sense religion with an enthusiastic manner.

During the discussion - Photo credit Sophia Fretter

Most of them wanted to know just the basics - is it okay to give salam to a Muslim, the rules of entering masjid, the so-called oppression of women in Islam (which doesn't exist, really), and the idea of wearing a hijab.

Perhaps you are saying to yourself, "Whoa, this kid went to a church to preach about Islam, she must be really pious". Nope. I'm not pious and not dare to label myself as one either.

The task or obligation of spreading Islam is actually on the shoulders of every Muslim. You don't have to wait until you became a hafiz (one who memorize the Quran) to spread Islam. The motto of our religion, other than Peace, is Modesty. Remember the story of the blind Jew in Madinah?

Saidina Abu Bakr r.a. is Prophet Muhammad's best friend. After the Prophet pbuh passed away, Saidina Abu Bakr went to see his daughter, Saidatina Aishah r.a., who was one of the Prophet's wives. He asked her the Prophet's actions at which that he can continue doing , as he really misses his old buddy and by doing so, he can convey his love for the Prophet pbuh. Saidatina Aishah r.a. recalled several actions. One of them was the Prophet used to spoon-feed a blind, old Jew in the city. So one day, with the intention to follow the footsteps of his beloved friend, Saidina Abu Bakr went to meet this old man. The old Jew was so happy as the person who he had waited for a few days finally came, and ready to spoon-feed him again, and treat him with love and care. Without knowing that the person was Saidina Abu Bakr, the Jew asked him about Prophet Muhammad, and began to criticize his actions of dividing the Arabs as he brought a 'new' religion in town. Saidina Abu Bakr didn't say a word at first, he just kept listening while his tears began to pool on his eyes. When Saidina Abu Bakr fed the Jew, the old man suddenly spit out the food and said "You are not the same person who used to spoon-feed me! The person who fed me used to crush the food for me, and he will feed me gently. Where is he?" Listening to that, Saidina Abu Bakr can no longer hold his tears. He told the man, "The person who you just criticized and condemned was the same person who fed you every day. He was the Prophet pbuh. He just passed away a few days ago". The old man was dumbfounded. He accepted Islam at that moment.

Don't you realize by wearing your hijab, you are actually spreading to the world about Islam? No word needs to be uttered, the actions are what matters the most.

Or don't you realize, by acting all-gentleman, you are actually following the footsteps of the Prophet pbuh? You can hold a door for someone, or maybe hold someone's book(s)/bag(s) in a crowded Stampede.

Welp, the discussion went well. All that my friends and I hoped was that we had more time to talk about our religion.

I hereby want to give my bountiful thanks to Sophia Fretter for giving me a chance to talk about my religion, to my ex-supervisor, also a very good friend of mine, Amani Abuhamra, for allowing us to show "No Apology" short film, to my 2 good buds Kilala and Tini students of RIT, for accompanying me and also for facilitating the discussion, to my dear dear friends, Uchi and LemLem for allowing me to crash your house (and bed. p/s: I made myself a cup of tea this morning, just so you know. Mintak halal, hehe), to my housemate, for having to listen to Nidji and Peterpan's songs to and fro Rochester encore and back-to-back, and to all the people who spiritually and financially, supported our journey. Thank you. Jazakumullahu khairan kathira. 


A challenge worth taking, a weekend worth sacrificing, an experience worth gaining.

Okay, should get back to Bioseparation Techniques.

"O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted"

(Al-Hujurat [The Rooms], 49: 13)

p/s: If you found any wrong fact, while disregarding my pain-in-the-eye grammatical errors (I'm working on it, no kidding), please please do inform me via any humanly possible mean.
Thank you.

Hentenship

Bismillah...

Wargh 2 jam ++ duduk depan laptop dengan suhu -3 deg C di luar, mencari-cari peluang internship.
Bukan senang nak cari internship kat USA ni, yang dibuka untuk pelajar bervisakan F1.

Nak intern kat luar NY, tapi susah pulak $$$
Nak cari yang dalam NY, bosan la pulak

Aihh camni la manusia. Banyak complain.

"We all got our stories, but please tell me

What there is to complain about?"

(Good Life - OneRepublic)

Kak Baha masuk blog

Bismillah,

Alahai kelas akan bermula esok hari! Ah patutnya aku gembira, bukan? Bukankah dengan meniti jalan untuk menuntut ilmu itu, maka Allah akan permudahkan jalan meniti ke syurga pula?

Sape tak maleh...snow snow macam now, elok duduk rumah je putihkan kulit. Sambil-sambil kaki diregangkan di atas heater brand Honeywell, pekena secawan kopi panas bersama cracker masin, dan Nook di tangan kanan sambil membaca buku kegemaran, beserta music pilihan tersumbat di telinga kiri dan kanan, ahhh nikmat!

Okay motifnya hari ini mahu kongsi nikmatnya berjauhan dari Malaysia.

Bila jauh, mulala terasa rindu. Rindu yang sebetul-betulnya rindu.
Bila jauh, barula terasa syukur. Syukur yang betul pure.

Terlalu lama di zon selesa membuatkan kita menjadi lalai dengan apa yang kita miliki. Pernahkah kita merasa nikmatnya udara, sehinggalah kita tenggelam lemas di lautan? Tak caye ce tanya ikan sebaik sahaja ia ditangkap. Dia terasa nikmat tak duduk dalam air tu lama-lama?

Disebabkan aku ini mempunyai masalah tak boleh duduk diam (ini adalah penyakit yang amat merbahaya seandainya tiada cubaan untuk mengawal, serious!), maka petang tadi aku pun pergilah menziarahi satu keluarga pelarian Rohingya. Keluarga tu dah sekian lama 'transit' di Malaysia. Jadinya, Kak Baha, isteri kepada this unknown pak cik, merangkap wakil family itu, bolehla speaking Malay.

Aku kenal Kak Baha melalui program volunteering yang pernah dianjurkan oleh tempat aku intern waktu summer 2013, WNYMuslims.

Semangat Malaysia di USA

Sembang kencang dengan Kak Baha tadi. Topik kami berkisar mengenai betapa sejuknya winter, bil-bil semua melambung tinggi, kos hidup yang cukup-cukup sahaja, dan...betapa rindunya kami kepada Malaysia.

Sewaktu jeda 2-3 saat, 

sempat aku berfikir, betapa beruntungnya aku. Paling tak pun aku akan pulang ke Malaysia setahun dari sekarang, tapi Kak Baha? She and her family were moved to the US, as  a part of their refugee program, and they don't really have a choice. Dah dihantar ke sini means you have to stay here man. Forever.

Kalau aku di tempat Kak Baha, mungkin pertama kali dengar akan dihantar ke Amerika Syarikat tu bolehla kena sawan eksaited. Tapi bila dah sampai sini, bila dah tahu keadaan hidup macam mana and what to expect next, rasa macam betul je pepatah melayu, baik berhujan batu di negeri sendiri.

Sewaktu ada jeda lagi,

sempat aku terfikir,

eh, kalau betul akan tinggal di tanah Amerika ni forever, macam mana kubur aku eh?

Hmm. Dan aku biarkan persoalan itu larut bersama air oren yang dibancuh khas untuk aku.

Keluhan seorang pelajar tahun ketiga

Bismillah,

Keindahan yang semu,

Semua hanya palsu...

(Cinta yang Sempurna - 6ixth Sense ft. Noe Letto)

Ah logiklah pada umur-umur sebegini, 20-an, untuk memikirkan masalah teman sehidup semati. Bukanlah satu masalah pun, tapi boleh jadi masalah kalau salah cara mengendalikannya.

Kepada bachelor bachelorette luar sana yang masih single dan available, saat-saat kehidupan sekarang merupakan saat kritikal untuk mencari pasangan hidup. Ehhh kenala kritikal! Yela, kalau tak cepat nanti insan yang ditenang disambar orang. Kalau takde insan yang ditenang-tenang, mungkin risiko menjadi bujang terlajak makin meningggi setiap saat, minit, dan hari.

Teringat kepada skrip Joni, dari filem Indonesia "Janji Joni", kalau tak silap bunyinya macam ini:

"Aku sudah berumur 22 tahun, dan masih tidak punya pacar"

LO. Aku sendiri pun tak pernah nak mempersoalkan persoalan terbabit. Terlintas di fikiran memang ada, tapi takdela sampai disuarakan oleh suara hati, apatah lagi dibebelkan. Huhu.

Arghh pening bukan? Dah nak grad, tapi aweks takde lagi. Kalau ada si pengarang jantung pun, macam mana nak approach? Jikalau anda lebih Islamic, persoalan siapakah yang harus menjadi orang tengah turut menyumbang kebingungan dalam diri.

Ah kawan, jangan risau. Doa jela kan? Doa je supaya Allah tolong berikan kepada kita si putera/puteri idaman hati yang betul-betul ikut piawaian yang telah kita tentukan. Atau...

Ahhh...doa sahajalah yang specific, kalau sudah ada pilihan hati.



"Ya Allah, jodohkanlah aku dengan Maimunah anak Lebai Karim itu, Amin!!!"

OH YEAHH Maimunah anak Lebai Karim! - Photo Credit

Ha kan senang.

Takut...takut jauh dari dirimu

Dan kau tinggalkan aku sendiri

(Tanpa - 6ixth Sense) 

Hmmm...actually kawan, tak jugak. Mari kita fikir sejenak, apakah sebab menikah itu hanya kerana untuk memuaskan nafsu kita? Iya, nafsu untuk memandang si anak dara penyejuk mata, nafsu untuk bersama si tampan yang kaya raya, etc. Kalau ya, aihhh cepat tukar niat!

Eh tapi Rasulullah kan dah bagi tips untuk pilih pasangan? Cantik dan kaya kan termasuk dalam list?

Betulllll tak disangkal. Namun ciri yang terakhir adalah agama, right? Selalunya perkara yang terakhir disebut adalah perkara paling penting. Cuba lihat karangan Bahasa Melayu anda, bukankah point untuk perenggan terakhir merupakan point bertaraf emas untuk mendapatkan markah tambahan daripada pemeriksa? Dan kalau anda pendebat terkenal di sekolah tatkala dahulu, bukankah point terakhir anda merupakan libasan pedang untuk pihak pembangkang yang tak reti-reti nak mengaku mereka memang ditakdirkan untuk kalah?
Pointnya di sini, agama seseorang itu penting. Tapi yang paling penting, agama kita sendiri.

Teringat satu part daripada novel karya Hlovate, "Versus",

"Pasangan kita itu akan berubah kalau kita juga berubah" (obviously aku tak ingat kata-kata yang sebenar)

Adalah lebih baik bagi kita menjaga diri kita sendiri, yakni memperdalamkan pengetahuan agama, meningkatkan nilai diri dengan menuntut ilmu, memperbanyakkan aktiviti sukarela dan sebagainya. Sebab in shaa allah, kalau kita dah jadi orang baik, in shaa allah Allah akan menjodohkan kita dengan orang baik juga.

Jangan pula kalian berfikir, kalau kalian berubah, maka si pengarang jantung itu juga akan berubah. Manalah tau, kut-kut si pengarang jantung itu bukanlah jodoh anda. Mungkin ada yang lebih baik daripada dia? Ah, berubah, bukan sebab orang, tapi sebab Allah. Sebab nak selamatkan diri sendiri daripada azab-Nya, dan meraih nikmat-Nya di dunia sana kelak.


Motif taip post macam ni? Sebab aku nak grad dah in shaa allah. Lalu sesi hati ke hati dengan seorang rakan sebentar tadi membuatkan aku terfikir, tujuan hidup ini lebih dari sekadar menjalani hidup seperti "Ada Apa Dengan Cinta", atau "Eiffel...I'm in Love".

Katanya, "Kalau kau nak tahu itu jodoh kau, everything will go smooth with that person. Tau-tau kau dah kahwin"

Yang dicinta 'kan pergi,

Yang didamba 'kan hilang...

(Maha Melihat - Opick ft. Amanda)

Oh ya, terima kasih kawan. Nasihat yang bagus bagi memulakan semester kedua tahun ketigaku. ;)

p/s: Maimunah anak Lebai Karim bukanlah watak yang wujud, at least dalam hidup penulis.