Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Define: Wallow

In the current modern culture where free mixing of men and women have led to cross-sex friendship, wallow is a part of it. A subculture. In fact, intermixing is rather a new, shocking human-to-human interaction, thank you to PSY 250 course at UB which made me to write a paper that explains the scientifically-proven logic that men and women cannot be mutual, platonic friends, never in the past, not even in the now, and will not be in the near infinite future.

Define wallow. An act to overcome the heartache after the heart was crushed by an idiot.

The freedom in determining to whom we can speak freely with today has led to unnecessary communication which may be processed by the opposite-gender conversation partner as a flirtation act towards matrimony. Well, in most cases the female would think like that being that they are created to have such a soft heart and a tendency to submit to males due to their several attributes which are taken as an advantage by this homosapien sub-species over their counter sub-group.

This freedom has made many hearts to grow with hopes. But then found wounded in the center of a dark alley with all other trashes, visible to you from afar is a crowd of maggots, eating away that piece of junk, used to be shone so proudly with cheap words (or actions) from a walking corpse termed "lover".

Welp, be careful dear.
Wallow is a part of this novel culture. If you haven't gotten there, just be prepared. Alas, stay away.

Check this out: http://bleske-rechek.com/April%20Website%20Files/Bleske-Rechek%20et%20al.%202012%20Benefit%20or%20Burden.pdf

Thanks to the researchers. You've done justice to balance between scientific logic and human congenital intuition that many seems to have been denying of having one.

Anyways, wallow. Yes.

If I may recall my first time ever wallowing, it was due to a tragic event of a desired being dumped like it was the printer cover paper that you usually don't use unless it is for note-taking or to write your formula and whatnot before an open-book test.

The first time. was a denial. didn't cry. wanted to. but can't.

On top of that major emotional event which was somewhat burdensome,
I had other technical aspects of life going on - volunteer work, exams, planning for the summer session, internship application, missing my mom.

I turned on my laptop (deceased) that morning, clicked on Excel, resumed my work on arranging rooms and namelist for an upcoming event at the embassy.

I placed the laptop on my bed. I was in my best, most comfortable weekend-morning uniform, I was a satiate champ thanks to a great breakfast. The day was splendid, the sun was like a king that morning, its army of light illuminated the whole world of my backyard and my room.

I started checking the namelist, scrolling with my cursor. Typing things but my mind was not focusing. As if my fingers had their own brain.

That was when it came out.
On my cheeks.

God that hurt.


So the take-home message is, don't deny. Just let whatever hurt you, to do its job. Afterall, pain demands to be felt (The Fault in Our Stars). The more denial comes in, the deeper you're going to drown in your misery. Just let the tears out, don't hold back.

Of course, I wish,
I can turn back time.
Undid what I've done.
If I can meet up with that 2011 me, I would warn her, no, don't go, don't start, don't even open the door.
But what can I do? The Narrator always plans the best now aren't you now here with me?

It's a part of being human, and are we not the consequence of one another?


Sometimes I am ashamed of myself, what kind of Muslim am I?
But come again, think.
I'm still a human though. But to embrace Islam doesn't mean I am an angel. It just means I am choosing a better way of handling my humanly corruptions. That I accept my errs are infinite, but it doesn't mean I can't change and be closer to being a saint.


Sorry that I mentioned about him many times. I just want you to understand.
Sorry for making you confused, because well, all females are confusing. We always think you men are illogical. Our logic is the logic.
Sorry for not knowing you were there.
Sorry for

Just sorry.

*am throwing away everything that can remind me of     , one last piece is still in Malaysia. Please forgive me. Wasn't fair for the injured to create another injury.

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