Taken.

Baru-baru ini aku sedar yang bukan mudah nak persevere atas satu jalan.

Antara janji dan Tuhan.

Antara satu kepastian dan Tuhan.

Antara apa yang ada dalam hati dan Tuhan.

Bukan selalu Tuhan yang menang. 

Kalau menang pun, fuh, bukan menang yang senang.

Tapi kena fightlah.

Kata nak masuk syurga.

Tinggalkan yang haram, Allah akan ganti dengan yang halal.

"Tanda 'tak rasmi' dan sementara." "Tanda" apa agaknya? HAHAHA.

                                                                                   

Persevere, ace. And I hope you too.



---



Hm...okay. Tulisan ini adalah addition sehari selepas rangkap-rangkap di atas. (Rangkap-rangkap di atas ditaip tatkala menunggu bas untuk pulang dari kelas di pekanbawah. Maaf, Blogger di aifon tidak memberi keupayaan kepada saya untuk mengitalikan perkataan-perkataan Inggeris.)

Somehow aku rasa dari segi emosi, aku masih belum matang. Kot. Entah. Aku suka pendam sebab malas nak layan. Tapi bila memberat, aku meletup. Pastu tulis kat blog. Amendela. Get a grip Far.

Anyways.

Aku harap seseorang itu terus jadi insan baik yang he is and meant to be. Let me be the devil but then that kinda defeat the purpose of choosing me and defeat my own purpose of wanting to avoid hellfire.

Let me be the bad-ass one anyhue. 

Deep down I know I'm not perfect. Well you can say that to my face, slap me with reality.
Deep down I know that I'm too rigid at times. Just because I am a fan of this one Companion, who was really just and fair in reigning his life. Maybe I admire Saidina Umar too much that I may have missed to see that, apart from his strict nature, he is also a really nice Muslim, and that if I do adore him, I should strive to be nice. Maybe I should start by ... loving a cat? My neighbor has cats so maybe I can start...petting them? With gloves. Many times I failed to follow his footsteps. To stay firm, far away from devil's temptation and deceit. And as much as that, I punished myself by becoming more firm. I guess this is a good time to create a new du'a. If I can enter heaven, I wanna meet him and book a coffee time with him. Have a chat, and before we depart, take a photo with him, let him sign the photo first, the I'll let him go. Haha. Yelahhh kau.


Deep down I know I have tarnished your dreams to have this stage of your life perfectly crafted in accordance with the syara'. 
And as far as I imagined mine would be, you have done the same too. 
But I'm the bummer here because I should be the strong one. I'm not sure how far can a female be the weakness of a man, I never experimented this notion before. But to stay safe, I'm avoiding the fire here. 


We hear various love stories. Some had a good start, inviting barakah into the household. Some, well, might be shaky at the beginning. But only Allah knows what those couples have now. We can only assume the good. I know you want that too. I'm doing my best here. We have different backgrounds and expectations. I don't wanna say "I'm sorry" anymore. I do, I am sorry. But sorry alone without actions to remedy the situation is not an absolute apology. Thus I'm sorry. I'll fix everything. I am fixing. Tapi tak bolehlah nak rush into things. Tikus boleh je membaiki labu, if only people don't stress the mouse with time too much.


I'm not sure where this is heading. I'm letting the kite to soar free in the sky. Though the string seems strong to me, but I have to prepare if there is a need be for a crash. Tawakkal and living it cool. Yeah. If this is the story that I [or we] shall  present to God, then let it be known there I've [we've] done my [our] best to follow His rules.


Okay jap...ada satu lawak ni aku yang aku rasa...haha. Entahapehape. Okay I actually have this one thought...yang lelaki semuanya nak bidadari di syurga. I mean, c'mon. If I were a man, of course I would want one. The untouched beauty. Unbeknownst to anyone, just for me. Created just for me. Wah.


So katakanlah lelaki ni berkahwin di dunia. Nanti kat syurga dia boleh ceraikan isteri dunia dia. Haha. Isteri dia pun nak enjoy syurga. Who knows to what degree of handsomeness a guy servant in Jannah could own. Pastu nak gi clubbing kat jannah. Jap...I wonder...say...is there any possibility for me to go to Ed Sheeran's gig di jannah? Aku doakan dia jadi muslim haha. But wait...is there like an angel boy band in heaven? Is there anything like the worldly entertainment in jannah? Hmm...I have to increase my knowledge in this rabbi zidni ilma. As for now, assobrun jamil. Patience is beauty, habibati.


Okay itu hanya fikiran twisted from my twisted mind. Please don't take it as one of Islamic school of thought punya branches. Tolong jangan kuot aku dan tolong jangan kopi pes dan tolong jangan nak tuding jari kat aku kalau ada yang berfikiran sesat sebab aku dah beri disklamer di sini.


 Anyhue.

I wish I am rabbit.