Wednesday, 14 January 2015


Okay, lapar.

Baru je lepas muatnaik gambar-gambar sewaktu percutian musim salju di Facebook. Hutang belum kira lagi. Adeh.

To-do list:

Kira hutang
Kira hutang
Cek emel
Fikir nak daftar kelas apa
Buat kalendar
Sambung senior thesis
Sambung tengok Gilmore Girls

Ah mestilah yang terakhir tu jadi perkara pertama yang aku buat. Cessss.

Melihat kembali aksi-aksi kami yang aku abadikan dengan Nikon D5100, buat aku tersenyum. Okay, gelak sikit sebenarnya. Road trip dengan perempuan....ahh, what do you expect? Mestilah akan ada drama whatsoever (oh well, aku pun perempuan duh). Sh*t happened. Dan melalui hal macam inilah, buat aku reevaluate, what is friendship.

Semenjak berakhirnya sekolah menengah, aku fikir, ke mana persahabatan aku dengan geng aku akan pergi. Sejauh mana ia akan bertahan. Aku sendiri bukan orang yang suka engage dengan long distance relationship, unless with family, cuz then you have a strong bond that ties you together. But friendship? On what basis should I be loyal to you, dear? Just because we're human? Well, me and Hyun Bin are human but he doesn't even bother to reply the birthday card I mailed to him somewhat nine years ago (disclaimer: I have officially off the hook of getting crazy over Korean entertainment after My Girl). Even Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah replied my Raya card (seriously trylah kirim kad raya kat Sultan Brunei, konfhem baginda sultan balas hehe).


Setelah aku masuk satu kolej persediaan ni, aku masih seorang indie girl yang just mix with any crowd. Tried to fit in but often ended miserably so decided to just whatever and do my stuff my own. Wah loner giler. 

Lepas tu, flew to this one country.

Along that journey, I met this one girl. Odd. 
The first time ever I notice that I am loved and actually noticed by other people was when I had a fever. A horrible one. Like I wish I was dead kind of fever.

So there I was, lying on my bed in my room in Akasia. All I can do that time was sleep and cry silently under my blanket. Hoping the fever would go away. Parents were in a faraway land. The first time ever after a few months that I got fever and not even near my mom. And that was when she came, with chopped pears, still wet, still fresh, beautifully cut, organized on a plate, extended to me. 

None of my acquaintances even bothered I was sick. Well, partly because duh I'm in college, I should know how to take care of myself. Besides, it was just a fever. Nothing near a terminal illness. But a simple act from a friend made me feel alive. The fever was gone. All that I needed was attention from another being. And some medications of course. 

That girl was odd.

About a year after I got to this country, she contacted back. I never had any thought to contact her. Mostly because she was in this elite clique, and I was just an outcast. But shockingly she offered her hand for a friendship. And I gladly accepted it.

Alhamdulillah still contacting. Even after that horrible first argument during our first trip together, we managed to sit down and poured all our ill feelings on the table. She tolerated with my ego, which I cannot but to see this as a highly conduct. Such patience. Haha. Sorry dear, my apology for the tough moments you had with me. I'm a tough bull, pretty much explains why I'm here in UB I guess. LOL.  

In shaa allah gimme time. For time allows even the hardest rock to shatter to dusts. Gimme time to fix myself, slowly, for sincerity and patience are in one package, for time ties them together. 

That girl is amazing.

In her own ways. A kind of friend that I want to be with. The kind of friend that reminds me always of my Creator. The kind of friend who forced me to listen to Nouman Ali Khan and Yasir Qadhi's lectures during driving (yeah I actually prefer to listen to lectures but I'm too lazy to download. Hence, the best resort is iTunes). 

Thanks. Jazakillahu khairan katheera. May Allah bless. As selfish as this request sounds, I wish I can be yours forever.

"Ku tepiskan semua keraguan jiwa
Dan ku ganti dengan kepastian
Hatiku ini yang mulai mengerti
Dan berani tuk menyambut janji"

(Menyambut Janji - Letto)

On a side note,
Yeah betul kata dia. Aku tak nafikan perempuan suka pilih kawan. Pengalaman jadi perempuan untuk 23 tahun membolehkan aku endorse kata-katanya. Yang lelaki pula senang berkawan. Tibbah je dah boleh jadi buddy

Aku ada cuba selongkar ilmu komunikasi yang aku ada untuk justify my endorsement. Logik tak kalau aku kata perempuan memilih kawan, cepat menyampah dan sebagainya, sebab perempuan ada nature protective dan persaingan? Protective cuz well, your friends determine who you are (refer a hadith related to this). So ... nice girls befriends with nice girls too? Persaingan...haha. Sebab kalau dah jelas-jelas ada perempuan yang lagi high up, either one would resolve to "huish tak mampuler nak kawan dengan dia" atau hasad (nauzubillah). Entahlah, aku sendiri tak ada penjelasan yang pasti. Bagi aku, kalau sekepala, jalaaannnn. Kalau tak, don't force.  

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